The Truth Between

Castle, Caskett, Stana Katic, Twilight (Carlisle/Esme), Elizabeth Reaser, Skyrim, Otherkin, pagan things, feminism, homosexuality, and anything else that strikes my fancy.
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Here we see a regular family moment

Okay, I’m actually commenting on a post (whoa) because I have a theory and I want some of the fandom to cool their tits. 

So, there’s this idea called “The 5 Love Languages”. It’s basically that people display or experience love in different ways, though words of affirmation (such as saying “I love you”), quality time, gifts, service, and physical touch. People tend to have one, maybe two love languages (not to say they can’t do the others).

For example, mine is physical touch. If I like you a lot, I touch you. But not in a creepy way. I’ll hug you a lot, I’ll touch your face, your back, I’ll lean into you when I’m tired or for no apparent reason. A habit I didn’t realize I had for a long time is, when talking to my mom, when I enter the room, I hold up my hand to her, she squeezes it, then lets it go. And I do the same thing when I leave. It’s totally subconscious, but I do it all the time. Because that physical connection is how I display affection.

Now, I feel like everybody is flipping their shit because we don’t see a lot of physicality between Castle and Beckett. But the thing is, physicality is not the only way to display affection or love, and if I were to guess, there is a good chance physical touch is not either of their love language. 

Castle’s is clearly words of affirmation. He’s written her 4 (almost 5) books practically declaring his love for her, plus he’s the one who has actually said “I love you”. More than once. He’s also probably inclined towards service or quality time. We can see these in the way he consistently comes to work at the precinct and always supports Beckett, especially when working JB cases. But it’s pretty evident that his primary love language is words.

Beckett is a bit tougher. There is a possibility that her’s is physical touch, but I would put most of my money on quality time. Remember in season 1, how all she wanted was Castle to finish his book and leave? But later on in season 2, at the end of Sucker Punch, she specifically tells him she wants him around. Oftentimes, when Beckett is most upset (where Castle is concerned), it’s when he isn’t there. While our love language is the way we most display love, it’s also the way we best receive it as well. And when Castle isn’t around, we see Beckett feeling rejected (i.e. when he might work on the british spy series, the end of season 2, the beginning of season 3, leaving the precinct to have lunch with Jacinda, and, in the same episode, turning down her offer to get drinks (more quality time)). 

So, yes, there has been limited physicality on the show (which doesn’t mean they aren’t plenty physical outside of what we see in the episodes), but we like physicality so much because it’s a visible demonstration of love that the audience can see. But what is just as important are the other things - their words, the time they spend together outside of the precinct (this, movie night, christmas), their gifts to each other (like in the V-Day episode coming up, though an argument could be made that Beckett opening up to Castle in 5x03 and 5x09 are gifts), and their loyalty and support of each other at work and at home.

Obviously, I wish there was more physicality (it is my love language, after all), but we must not take the lack of it as evidence of a lull in their relationship. Looking at their actions more than just how much they touch, tells me that Castle and Beckett are still very much in love. And I for one applaud Marlowe and Co.

This. Allllll of this. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS. Thank you for saying this. Totally agree.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!  I was thinking about the 5 Love Languages the other day and you’re totally right in your analysis.  I think it’s important to remember that every person and every couple has its own special rythme. Of course we want to see a giggly, smoochy, physical Castle and Beckett, but what a lot of people fail to realize is that not every couple like that.  And just because they are in a relationship doesn’t mean their personalities will change.  Love languages apply to all of your relationships, not just the person you’re in a romantic relationship. Beckett is in the business of “serving”/protecting the public and in a way I think that is one of the ways she displays her love for someone. As you said, Castle is big on words, so I think he displays his love through words of affirmation.  What’s so beautiful is that they accept and love each other despite how different their love languages are.

OH MY GOD YES THIS!

Tho I don’t agree that Castle’s love language is words of affirmation. I think it’s gifts. Basing thing on how he interacts with Alexis and Martha, as well as how he is with himself.

The reason I say that it’s not words is how he teases people, Martha especially. The people I know whose language is words would never dream of “rude” teasing. Words are too important to them and carry too much meaning.

And the show has shown us again and again how he buys gifts for people. The espresso machine for homocide, all the things we’ve seen/have been mentioned that he’s bought Alexis (lightsabers, a Vespa, etc). Plus, as I mentioned above, how he is with himself. It’s basically been said that Castle had a lonely childhood. Pair that with the lack of father (and parade of adult men in his mother’s life) and it’s a recipe for self-esteem issues. And for a person whose love language is gifts, buying things for oneself is a way to attempt to combat that. Basically having love expressed to you, even if you have to be the one to do the expressing.

Now, I see above that it’s a popular idea that Castle’s love language is words, based on him writing the books and having actually said “I love you.” I disagree. First of all, he didn’t write the books for her. He wrote the books for him. He started the books long before he loved her, and at the time when she didn’t want anything to do with him. Although they have certainly turned into an expression of his love for her, they did not start that way. I seem them less as an indication of his love language and more as a convenient vehicle for him to express his love in a subtle way, without actually risking his heart.

As for his having said the words… So? Everyone says them at some point.

Now, I do think that words of affirmation might be a secondary love language for Castle, based on his repeated statements to Beckett that she’s extraordinary and remarkable and so on. But I definitely don’t think it’s his primary love language. That, to me, is obviously gifts.

I do agree with the analysis of Beckett’s love language being quality time, though. With physical touch or acts of service as a secondary.

(via castle-beckett-life)

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